Top Hats

Top Hats don't look like pencil sharpeners.

A top hat, top-hat, cylinder hat, or plug hat (sometimes also known by the nickname "topper") is a tall, flat-crowned, broad-brimmed hat worn by men throughout the 19th and early 20th centuries. Now, it is usually worn only by 110-year olds, and blind people who think they are wearing bowler hats.

There is no hat in existence more comical than the top hat. No, you're wrong, the sombrero is in no way more comical. In other words, boring people, like 18th century illustrator Charles Vernet, would greatly benefit from using a top hat. If you tell a joke while wearing a top hat, it has been statistically proven that your joke will get a 12% higher approval rating.

I've allways wanted to make a top hat that is 1500 meters tall. Wearing this you would not only be visible from anywhere, but you would get a 13,000,000% approval rating of your jokes. No matter how crapfest your joke is, wearing a top hat as tall as this would make you funnier than George Lopez.

And George Lopez sucks ass.

Tractors

Tractors don't look like pencil sharpeners.


A tractor is a vehicle specifically designed to deliver a high tractive effort at slow speeds, for the purposes of hauling a trailer or machinery used in agriculture or construction. Did you know this? Some people know this, but they probably live inside a ball of hay.

There is one thing I've always wanted to do. And by always, I mean ten minutes. I really want to make a tractor that runs on two wheels. Just think about it; It's got just as much power, but half the thickness of a normal tractor. You would be able to race through narrow alleyways, race through even narrower alleyways, and, perhaps most awesomely, race through alleyways that are really really narrow.

The fact that a tractor built like this would totally suck ass, is simply not important.

No wait, it's important.

Purpose

The universe comprises an awful lot of things. To be precise, it comprises everything that physically exists. As far as I can tell, everything that physically exists is quite a lot. All things that physically exist can hardly be counted in three weeks, much less a fortnight. All of these things have shapes and substances. Some of these things have a certain usage. Regardless of any given thing's shape, substance or usage, it most likely does not resemble a pencil sharpener. This is because, believe it or not, the number of things in the universe that don't look like pencil sharpeners, is strikingly vast. Almost unfathomable.

Now you might ask yourself a number of things. "What's wrong with making a website about pencil sharpeners?" would be one. But that question would become bleak when compared to this question: "Why create a website who's sole purpose is to not write about pencil sharpener likeness?".

I will never answer these questions.

Well, maybe later, but not in a while.